Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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