hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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