I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
