Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
