Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
