Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
