I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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