i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
