i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize