remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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