SEEEEXXX PLEASE
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
