my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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