'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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