Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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