I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
