Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
