i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Redeem this text for a blowjob
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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