I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize