im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's blow job season.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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