I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
