The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
