he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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