Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
