if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.