The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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