Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet

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  (850): Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet http://tfl.nu/7t8x
  Replies (9) Good night (704) Bad night (1975)
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  (516): View more from New York

  There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.

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  (516): There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office. http://tfl.nu/aczu
  Replies (16) Good night (3782) Bad night (665)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.

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  (703): tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions. http://tfl.nu/m5qp
  Replies (67) Good night (831) Bad night (5794)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...

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  (603): I forgot how few teeth there are in this state... http://tfl.nu/03va
  Replies (34) Good night (1157) Bad night (4642)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.

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  (712): He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him. http://tfl.nu/xqld
  Replies (30) Good night (5792) Bad night (2025)
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  (530): View more from California

  he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.

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  (530): he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning. http://tfl.nu/2vwb
  Replies (11) Good night (2489) Bad night (970)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.

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  (409): The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens. http://tfl.nu/kai5
  Replies (44) Good night (3817) Bad night (1051)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.

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  (785): Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever. http://tfl.nu/qjci
  Replies (1) Good night (1728) Bad night (624)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?

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  (502): Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not? http://tfl.nu/b1wq
  Replies (48) Good night (5191) Bad night (1306)
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  (516): View more from New York

  oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick

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  (516): oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick http://tfl.nu/bh3i
  Replies (5) Good night (974) Bad night (513)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick

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  (602): Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick http://tfl.nu/rl3u
  Replies (4) Good night (451) Bad night (1369)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Denial, avoidance and beer.

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  (312): Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013. (312): Denial, avoidance and beer. http://tfl.nu/o423
  Replies (3) Good night (1051) Bad night (426)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.

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  (313): I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it. http://tfl.nu/dmoy
  Replies (10) Good night (1043) Bad night (454)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.

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  (312): Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco. http://tfl.nu/zgwl
  Replies (4) Good night (722) Bad night (451)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  Paige is home safe.

  (574): View more from Indiana

  Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.

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  (574): Paige is home safe. (574): Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys. http://tfl.nu/n38o
  Replies (0) Good night (262) Bad night (405)

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