Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration