PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Acid is not a monday night drug
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
