so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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