now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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