My sheets look like a crime scene.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
