I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
