Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
