I can't watch pbs sober anymore
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
