I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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