i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
