this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
