Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
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The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
These tits shall not be calmed
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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