i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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