he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
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So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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