So drunk its hurt
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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