A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
