dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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