actually, I'm a sock model
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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