NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
