I must be too annoying 4 u.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
