He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
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He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
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It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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