But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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