I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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