your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
