My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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