i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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