I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
