so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
