Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
