i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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