After last night, I could never be a politician.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
