sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
