I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
