HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
