so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
