i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
