I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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