All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
