can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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