wakey wakey hands off snakey
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
