Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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