Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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